It has taken me along time to fully understand the matrix that exists between people and particularly the value of “negative” people in that matrix. The reason I became interested in the field of personal development was because of the negative relationships with parents and others.
I became very unrealistic about relationships and expectations on myself and others to behave a certain way ALL the time. I wanted things to be “nice” all the time, but they can’t be “nice” ALL the time.
I’ve been away from my blog writing because I’ve been attending some intense courses and visiting family interstate. There is nothing like family to bring old issues up to the foreground.
What I’ve learnt is that if you have an emotional reaction to something, someone or to yourself then if you shift your perception you can neutralize all that draining emotional re-active energy. If you can help another to shift their perception also; you have a completely new space to see things from.
So what’s the deal with VALUING negative people….you are probably asking? WHY would I even WANT to value them?
Well it turns out that negative people serve us and benefit us in ways that we usually do not look for.
If you take the time to ask yourself “HOW is this person’s negativity towards me serving me or benefiting me?” then if you keep asking you will be very surprised.
For example I’ve just worked with a client where a previous boyfriend was obsessed/ infatuated with her. How did this benefit her? She felt special, loved, needed, important etc. ALL benefits to her even though its not healthy relationship behaviour.
Another example is: A mother/father continually criticizing and rejecting a child…now that’s pretty negative; so what are the benefits to a child. If we look deeply enough it will be things like it made me more independent, I broke my dependency on them, I broke a sense of duty to them so freed my own life, I did lots of personal development courses and read books so was introduced to to new ways to communicate and perceive the actions of others etc there are some great benefits here.
I’ve seen people in the workplace in total fear of redundancy and after it happens they learn something new and have new life flowing through their minds and lives. They wake up again!
My summary of some of the “value ” of negative people, negative behavior or negative situations is that they wake us up; to speak up, to leave poor relationships (personal or working), to learn something new, to get on the right path doing something we love, to get clarity about boundaries, to learn to be in our power, to move out of our comfort zones and be present with life, to meet new people and to open us up to more possibilities for our life, to overcome our fears.
The fastest way to move on is to see the benefits. Hope you enjoy this. Jane